Organizing my files today I found this:
What am I becoming?
I was never quite like this,
No I was never part of this world like I’m living now
I have always been that good, sweet, kind girl;
That innocent one
Is that the problem?
I’m sick of that title
I don’t know what to do
Surly what I’m doing isn’t the answer,
No this is not the answer,
At least not for what I’m seeking – no.
I’m seeking something pure, something right, something true
None of this trickery, fakery, make-believe,
I want someone worth believing in
Someone I can count on to hold me through it all
Wow, how that someone can only be my Lord.
Time to stop living life as I have been,
Stop living in the world,
Start living for today and for my Savior
Two years ago I wrote that - wrote it during a time where I just wasn't living as a the "living sacrifice" I'm seeking to live as now. It's so easy now to look back to the time when I was saved and see all the ups and downs, above being a "down" in life. I look at that above and feel ashamed, I actually remember writing it and adding a password to the document in fear I'd be asked what was going on. Looking at it now its so easy it is to say, what was I doing?! But then realize that the Lord has taught me so many things out of my folly, Praise Him for His Sovereignty, using my pathetic fumbles to teach me great things.
In my musings I'm lead to the possibility of where I'll be in two years. I in fact have no clue because I see various different paths that might happen, but I'm also not worried because I know the Lord is leading me in His Will. All I can seek to do is continue to follow Him. I don't want to look back and feel ashamed again, but live full force ahead for my Creator.