Friday, March 16, 2012

My Lament on my pride

"Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
... Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee." --Fran­ces R. Ha­ver­gal

My life? Myself? All for Thee? "Yes Lord, Yes."  These are my desires, but my pride builds up walls - how can I overcome these?  
As I sing these words, I lie.  For despite my desires to see them true, my whole self isn't devoted to Him, else I'd be content in all things, as Paul says. I do not say, "take myself" in honesty, else jealous envy wouldn't arise as I heard of strong faith surpassing my own.  I do not live All for Him, else I wouldn't have the moments of wanting recognition, instead of boasting in my God.
Oh what filth! What a pitiful mess I am! That my God should love me I shall never understand.  "You see the depths of my heart, yet you love me the same..." At least I sing that with truth, and incredulity.  

No, I must resist with the weapons of warfare that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 10:5, designed specifically for pulling down the strongholds of my pride I've built up - but oh, the times I've prayed that! I must work at it.  For all I want is to know and Glorify my God, my Savior - but cannot fully with such pride as mine!
Understanding the will of God comes with all humility - Oh Lord, that I may seek to know your will, seeking it out in Humility.  

Andrew Murray comments: "Such humility is not a thing that will come on its own. It must be made the object of special desire, prayer, faith and practice."

And C.S. Lewis, who describes Pride as the Great Sin, says: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less."

"Oh Lord, may I not think of myself at all, if fact consider, as Paul did, all things loss.  I do not want those as empty words oh God, no - Father help them to be true, help me to seek to work at breaking down my pride, and practice humility often.  For all I want is you My God.  All I want is to follow Your will, Your way, Your truth.  You Are my GOD.  I cannot say it enough, for saying it reminds me of the great grace you have shown me in adopting me into Your family.  You are my Father.  Thank you. Lord how can I not be humble at the thought of You. Thank you. I love you more than I can understand (testament of Your love in me).  Amen. "

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